=ReJecTed=

2007-09-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

Writing is not just about to fill in the blanks,
its about to make a priceless piece of art.

2007-04-28T14:29:00.000+08:00

Two souls came to a point
With a bless mind
They held on to their love.

I've realized how
strong i am when
i'm with you then without;
explains the word love.

2007-04-22T11:59:00.000+08:00

Time is running out
like theres no tomorrow.
with all the things happening
around me,
i ask, do i react or do i just sit and wait for the final show to end.
though at times i feel in secure, but i believe i can climb the highest
mountain with full of confidence.

2007-04-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

raining.

i wana do someting but which i dont even know what i feel like doing.

keyword-bored.

2007-03-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

I am-John Clare

i am – yet what I am, none cares or knows;
My friends forsake me like a memory lost:
I am the self-consumer of my woes –
They rise and vanish in oblivion’s host
Like shadows in love-frenzied stifled throes –
And yet I am and live – like vapours tossed

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams
Where there is neither sense of life or joys
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;
Even the dearest that I love the best
Are strange – nay, rather, stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man hath never trod,
A place where a woman never smiled or wept,
There to abide to my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie,
The grass below – above, the vaulted sky.

(I am- yet what i am, none cares or knows
->living in my own lie, desire
answer to my own woes,
no one can help me only to myself.
friends come and go
->only there to give support
they can even be strangers at time
''though humiliation and noise succumbs me,
its nothing compared to my self-esteem.''
in reality no sense of joys - sadness, empty
but i'm there to overcome - finding ways
the one i love, adore, there to accompany me when i'm alone but its like a statue
->not much help, redundant.
dreaming to go to a place where there is no drama, nothing but being my real self
living like a child peacefully.
no problems to face, think or worry about.

complicated life vs calmness

2007-03-30T19:59:00.000+08:00

live a day like a rock and roll star.

i couldn't decide on what to wear til the very last minute.
all black.
gary, sean, neny, sha.
called themselves 'lanigiro'.
haha. figure it out.
head down to the auditorium for lecture and right after that we had a small 'performance'.
haha.
though i never play in a band before, but i like the feel.
haha.
so much fun!

2007-03-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

another new big project coming up.
external.
but nvm. i sacrificed my time msn-ing with dani.
my long-tym 'bf'.

haha

2007-03-25T20:15:00.000+08:00

2007-03-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

i cant imagine what will vsf2x be without them by my side.
I'll make a wish we'll be together til the day we hold on to the cert.
and maybe...like the famous phrase of all time,
Friends Forever.

2007-03-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

A dialogue is always more interesting and enriching than a monologue.

2007-03-18T14:01:00.000+08:00

i had an idea of our happiness.

2007-03-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

Her portrait in black.

Hopefully my final piece will turn out good.
in the process.
thanks Lionel n Neny.
love you my buddies.

I'm trying my best to be free from you.

2007-03-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

Usah ragu by Nurul ft Jiggy.
I've been listening to the song over and over again for like thousand times during my journey to school.
ridiculous.
I'm addicted to it till i can even sing it in the bus.

thanks Jiggy.
well done!

2007-03-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

just when i thought every thing's gonna end,
another appeared, waiting for me.
assignments will be my replacement for DANI.
i am getting the hang of it.

can i just sit here,cry and see how it ends my dear diary?
reacting to the weather. cool and misty.

2007-03-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

2007-03-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

focus.
take in the advice shuhada.
for once.

react and be sensitive.
to anything around you.
good way to start with.
a tap on your shoulder.

one good example by dahlia;
"why am i wearing a pair of boots instead of wearing a pair of slippers like sha? ,
am i reacting to the weather or being decorative?"

just forget about what you said to him shuhada. he's just not reacting to your presence.

2007-03-10T16:03:00.000+08:00

2007-03-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

Its weird how you go from being strangers
to being friends to
being more than friends to
being practically strangers again...
and it all happens so fast.

2007-03-09T18:05:00.000+08:00

finally assessment for 3d over.
congrat girls!
cheers!

2007-03-06T20:56:00.000+08:00

left eye twitch. from am to pm.
undergoing a short spastic muscular contraction i guess.
but my friends told me its a bad luck sign.
haha.
being superstitious.

fever on my way.

2007-03-05T20:19:00.000+08:00

being ambitious over few minutes does not help.
im still procastinating my work til the last minute.
tomorrow is another tomorrow.
and dead before the actual assessment begins which is 7weeks from now.
-finger cross

2007-03-04T18:14:00.000+08:00

finally its over.
3d. jellyfish.
pin-wheel rotates freely but the structure is still wobbly.
but we thought it over and let it have its own shape as jellyfish.
the final work for the 6 of us.
evelyn, rachele, stella, neny, shaz, shuhada.
there goes my sunday....

2007-02-24T14:08:00.000+08:00

norbit.
haha.
mum and aunt laugh their lungs out.
it's like only the 4 of us in the cinema.
dead crowd.

miss u la.

2007-02-23T10:28:00.000+08:00

Smiling is infectious. you catch it like a flu.
When someone smiled at me today, i started smiling too.
I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin.
When he smiled i realized i'd passed it on to him.
I thought about that smile then i realized its worth.
A single smile, just like mine could travel round the earth.
So if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected
Let's start and epidemic quick, and get the world infected.

2007-02-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

looking back archive from 2005.
my entries. fun, laughter, cries, ups and down.

haha.

open up to a new life perhaps.

2007-02-19T19:26:00.000+08:00

ive realise how strong i am when u were there beside me then.
you told me to pull myself together and be strong.
we never know what happen next.
for mins hours day years.
tears became my friend everynight.
only to realise it wont make any different for the pass one week.
u gave in when u failed to overcome ur weakness, my voice.
but it ended again.

all i ever wish
all i ever wanted
not to experience tis ever again.

2007-02-18T17:30:00.000+08:00

ups and downs we've been through.
til tis very day.
the end.

til we meet again.
160207.

2007-01-06T13:42:00.000+08:00

I know that it's a wonderful world
But I cant feel it right now.

2006-12-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

barbequed chicken wings, bloody spicy sotong, beef, big red prawns.

3 days 2 nights. minus the 2 nights.

fun connecting wit vsf1x. ;)

2006-12-10T12:36:00.000+08:00

surrounded by toys. causes my leg to be numb.

2006-11-22T11:55:00.000+08:00

20 nov 2006.

a new day a new beginning.

2006-11-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

step up.
8-2.
if i knew it before hand i wouldn waste my 6.50.

flexible.
tickets sold. there goes my melayu.com.sg
grrr...
sistic? no more.

dani.

2006-11-10T10:15:00.000+08:00

a wet wet day.

a lime coke and not the rain.

slipper - damn wet due to rain

a geisha.

lime coke, gas burns the guess bag w800i and mp3.

10 notes smell coke.

a fucking stupid ass security guard.

w800i is in labour. on / off.

downgrade. lost contacts.

for those, sms me ur number to my number. thanks. appreciated.

2006-11-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into you eyes
And see you are looking back

It's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

2006-11-02T19:31:00.000+08:00

and finally...

a short girl wearing a dress with slippers carrying 2 bags full of 3d stuff, a box and a big A1 size bag to fill in all the drawings from term 1 to term 2. its final.

a laughing stock.

stayed up the whole night preparing for a 10minute presentation. but wait a minute.. should i say it's a presentation when i was not even in the room while they were assessing my work.grrr...

im not sure of my situation. neither here nor there. some said if they asked for ur number it means that u have to reassess. others said the other way round. its good cause they want ur work for an exhibition.

as for me its a B-L-A-N-K. notin. no words. all he said was 'Now u cn go n enjoy ur Hari Raya...continue ur visitin..' hahahaha.

mayb i shall just wait for my christmas present.
more drawings to go.

old frens new frens.
some may be there but the others may just disappear and came to you when in need.
a 'one night-stand' perhaps.
telling stories everynight which is not meant for me.
force myself. being sensitive enough to know a fren's feeling.
my things are their things too.
its always good to share.
even to a certain extend.
too good. til i waste my golden chance.
a goodbye to everything which was once my fairytale dream.
believing in another love with him is like dreaming of myself being an isolde.

2006-10-20T11:53:00.000+08:00

i'll update soon after my assessment's over.

tc everyone. with love

2006-10-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

tanx lionel!! u nvr fail to make me smile...u are always there whenever i have the need to confide my probs wit someone...heart you...

2006-10-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

guys(i mean as in LELAKI)... please stop..

it hurts.
another step, it'll break ones'heart.

where's ur self?
going to school lyk a haloween party everyday.
piercin n tatoos wont make u different or even unique.

2006-10-01T13:00:00.000+08:00

for the past 2 days ive been going to each location of the Singapore's Biennale.
it was so much fun to see how each of my friends appreciate the art works that was on display... the most exciting location was at the Tanglin Camp. i could say that each exhibition has its own unique though i could not understand some of the works.
lots of photos were taken. guys!! lets have the next outin soon!!

2006-10-01T12:50:00.000+08:00

VIRGO

The Virgo girl is a shy and reserved young lady, disposed to spending much of her time fretting over things. She is a perfectionist who is never satisfied. The ever-organised Virgo is forever planning and making lists. She chooses her friends, both boys and girls with care. She prefers the company of like-minded individuals, perhaps those who are as health conscious as her. As Virgo rules the nervous system, this young girl is prone to nervousness and anxiety. She is consumed by her obsession for detail. Studious and hardworking, she always gets good grades, which gives her immense satisfaction. She is not out there to seek glory and fame, but merely the satisfaction that comes from a job well done. Relationship with her siblings may not be good as she is prone to criticise them constantly. Academically, she is inclined towards research activities. She is ideally suited to be a doctor, nurse, programmer or editor.

2006-09-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

and so today mark the first day of fasting... yeah. i managed to win the race for today and hopefully for the whole month...got to be better than the year before.
thats for sure.fasting means i cnt b doin any wrong. and that i cnt do anyting wit my 'husband'. shud stop talkin abt grey. well my classmates will understand tat. haha. that is me and gary, my husband. hahaah.oryt i shud stop b4 his gf came and strangled me. tra la la la.....perhaps 1 day i'll get a really good boyfren lyk Gary. this time for real.grrrrr....

well. i didn do well fer my assignment in semester 1. and that i think my assessment grades will b bad. all thanks to 3D. i'll b screwed up for tomorrow's lesson as i still could not find the wire. fcukashito. ya, more drawings to come. oh dahlia. i really gona give u a big 'hug' for that request of 3 A2 drawings for external.

2006-09-21T00:40:00.000+08:00

20th september 1989.
exactly 17 years ago when i was first cried, out of mummy's womb.

i didn exactly waited fer this very day to come as i have got no plan on whether to celebrate it.n i got no one too..til......

neny wanted me to follow her to ladies...nature calls...so i did follow cause i can feel the urge...without tinkin much i went out straight to the table wit my tummy bloated..2 burgers in 3 hours...haha..mcd and burger king...so initially i thought the only one knows abt today is Jordan..but they gave me tis so-called surprise....

Lionel & Zid " sha...ur silk screen paints are nice...wohoo" (showing my A3 file)
me " huh??? no wat...u guys seen it oready...wats wit the nice??"
gary (close the file) " ah nice a...better with the cake"
me " gosh!!! wah!!! ( like never seen a cake) tanx guys!!

and so its goes on..birthday song..cam-whorin....cut the cake (shared among 15 ppl i guess).

ooohhhh... i love them....a bunch of great ppl!

(bidae song on air...haha)

(blowsss)

(fire off)

(cutting session)

("clan")

(ned, nenny, sha(me), zid)

(external drawing at esp 1)THEME-BLACK

(external drawin at esp 2)

my long lost fren who went mia text me and treat me to dinner. a fren of mine..rusdi..whom i didn expect him to give me prezzie came to my place and gave it to me....hahaha!!! well u guys are nice ppl...really!!
anyway!!! tanx to all my beloved family and frens fer ur wishes and thoughts!!!

so here now i end my 17th birthday wit a smile... ;)

2006-09-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

MAI!!!
he's adding more pressure to me,.
f*ucker...
grrrr...he gave me tis riddle where i cnt solve...
i went around searchin fer ppl whom i noe and ask...
damn,,,n none knew the ans..

so here it goes....

A wanna buy a pen fer $4.70...A borrow B and C's money wich is $2.50 each.
so now A got $5 in total to buy the pen....the change is 30 cents... after gettin bck the change, A return B and C each 10cents and the remainder A keep to himself. so each $2.40. add both and we shud get $4.80. total up $4.80 wit the 10cents equals to $4.90..n here the tricky part....whrs the other 10cents???

MAI i swear i gona get bck to u...i noe that tis ans will b a stupid one.
idiot.

n so he left me wonderin til now.............
he's givin me the ans in 5 days time...since he said he'd known me fer a long time compared to others whom he gave 2 days to think...

anyone noes???

2006-09-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

sun, 10sept2006.
fer the past two month since i last work.
at last..i came bck to vp.
work fer a day since my manager ask me to help out.
everytin is still the same...
but i've got headache.forcing myself to stay awake.

im havin second thoughts if i shud go there again tis sun..

gosh...assessment is next week.
ive yet to finish up everytin.!

just now we had to finish up a project wit the year 2 & 3.
all of them were frenly..
get our job done nicely..eventually everyone cooperate and werk together.
nice job guys!!!

ps.my level 1 leader looks like paul twohill.hahaha...everyone went ard him and calls him PAUL instead of DIMAS.

2006-09-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

wat he said makes me think deeper.
and i still am.

2006-09-05T13:46:00.000+08:00

ya well im bck.
give it a miss fer school yest.
eventually the short trip to kl was notin to me.
didn get the chance to take photos.
either the place is too dark or the composition was not ryt.
n worst i did not get myself anytin there though we went to petaling street and bargain like nobody's business.

best part - i manage to overcome my fear to take the roller-coaster ride wit my brother.

ps.lazy to upload pic here. feel free to look in my deviantart.

2006-09-01T17:22:00.000+08:00

sory fer no updates fer the past 1 week.

too busy with school.

i'll b away fer a short vacation.

dont miss me guys.
(hahaha.sape yg nk rindu aku. tk tau malu).

haha.tc everyone!!!

2006-08-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

LOVE WRECK.
at the new cathay wit the 3 grls.
we eventually chose the couple seats since there's 4 of us.
and ya. we got yakun kaya vouchers.
trying to fill my stomache wit the toasts.

JONATHAN is so cute that shiqa and me was drooling over him during the show.
grr...reminds me of him.

haha.im so lonely. they got bf to call or sms.
i got none.
hahaha.y do i sound so pathetic.

2006-08-23T21:05:00.000+08:00

a dedication to my fellow frens.

its 23August...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NUR AMANINA & MUHD NAZRI!!

the vain girl and the irritatin belo smallboy.

lup u...hahaha...

babe..touchin kn aku...hahaha
name babe kekal ehk

2006-08-21T22:36:00.000+08:00

'You tell the story of your emotions
I do not know you, you say.
I cannot know you
The you i see is not the you which is you
The you which you have known for your lifetime.
The you i see is the you of NOW.
What is your NOW, is yourself, transforming.
We live in a mirror, i see your reflection in my own.
Never ourselves but what we see in each other.
The mirror's white teeth creating images of hand-to-hand.
The laid back motion of our bodies.'

2006-08-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

days past.

another entry.
but still, there seems to be no meaning in life.

my days are fill with my school projects.
takin my own time and space to finish everything.

notin yet progressing.

and so i had another haircut.
which i regret n tat is so common.
u will know when u see my bad expression while the stylist cut my hair.

n so ppl, stop askin me y i cut my hair.

another fren of mine makes me lost my trust on him.
tat is so sickening.

i wanna hide behind those walls.

2006-08-12T13:58:00.000+08:00

2 hot guys were suntannin just a few metres away frm whre i sat to my left side.
i watched them from far.
i couldn't care less even though they're chinese.
i just love their bodies.
it seems hard and i cnt resist my eyes not to look at their abdominal muscle.
reapplying their lotions onto each other's back.
i realised.
they're so-called 'datin'.
ya get wat i mean.
and i re-confirm it when i saw them in the sea water.
splashin waters to each other. i see them wit a smile on my face.

on my right.
a couple was having their intimate kiss.
it seems so passionate.
seems so in love that they couldn't care less wat others would say.

u see.the love in this world makes ppl go crazy.
whether they're a normal couple or bi.
its the true love that counts.
and i envy. miss those time. the romantic spent time as a lovely couple.

2006-08-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

sentosa.

nice weather. hot but windy.
not humid.
grr...i wore my 3/4 skirt and im forcing myself to buy a short there.
it's easier fer me.
walk on the sand, play with the sand even sit on the sand.

long hours. well eventually i spent much of my time alone. my ass fren went to sleep.
wth??
might as well sleep in ur smelly room!

long hours. 12-8pm.
y? cause i wanna see the sunset.
excellent view.

came bck, realize that idiot threw my box of ciggies together wit the plastic bag.
fuck. 12 wasted.

im shagged n mad. didn quite enjoy fully.
it did mean a self-reflection day fer myself.

2006-08-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

cowards living at the dead end.

i wanna fuck them off.

ur opinion is neither required or desired.

2006-08-09T16:30:00.000+08:00

have i done anyting wrong to the people outside??
have i said anyting wrong?

i dont get it.
im not here to b a somebody or make enemies.
im not born in this world to make frens wit only the COOL ppl out there.

y must they got that 1001 opinions abt me.?
wats worst. nizam told me tat.wth?

'u added only guys.u wanna b wit cool ppl. uve tried too hard to fit in and that makes u look foolish tat is y u've got no frens.'
'u never know that we're quite popular.'

ya i may agree wit u if u said i look foolish. but im totally confused when u said they told u im tryin very hard to fit in with those cool ppl.wth? how cn i do tat wen ive always went out either wit my close fren or alone.popular?? havin tat status is never on my list.

boy.ive always tink highly of u. someone whom i learn to respect. u made me cry tis time. i regret that u too feels the same way as they do. u've known me better than the rest.

critics is never needed.
im living in my own world.tanx to the cyberworld, ppl has got tings to say abt me.

im dejected.
anyone out there whu can help me to hurt my cheekbones?

2006-08-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

CLICK. like its finally out.
3rd august 2006.
and i manage to squeeze myself in that 1 n a half hour or so to watch it.
it's lyk after a long wait n eventually its out.
yeay-ness.

i cud say tat CLICK is my movie.i did laugh all the way through since the beginning.
Michael newman's (adam sandler) neighbour was a cute lil boy who likes to boast around with his new tings.
sheeshh...
Michael's life been forwarded till he didn know what's happening around him.and finally, i cud hear the ppl around me sniffing their nose. ahah!! they were crying. ya. n i did too. not to deny that. there were those touchin moments when it suddenly reminds me of my grandma.
grrrr....'i love u son'.
rush to the ladies..i cud see their eyes.n tat movie did touch the hearts of the audience.
i'd give it an excellent.

2006-08-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

One of my fondest memories as a child is going by the river and sitting idly on the bank. There I would enjoy the peace and quiet, watch the water rush downstream, and listen to the chirps of birds and the rustling of leaves in the trees. I would also watch the bamboo trees bend under pressure from the wind and watch them return gracefully to their upright or original position after the wind had died down.When I think about the bamboo tree's ability to bounce back or return to it's original position, the word resilience comes to mind. When used in reference to a person this word means the ability to readily recover from shock, depression or any other situation that stretches the limits of a person's emotions.Have you ever felt like you are about to snap? Have you ever felt like you are at your breaking point? Thankfully, you have survived the experience to live to talk about it. During the experience you probably felt a mix of emotions that threatened your health. You felt emotionally drained, mentally exhausted and you most likely endured unpleasant physical symptoms.Life is a mixture of good times and bad times, happy moments and unhappy moments. The next time you are experiencing one of those bad times or unhappy moments that take you close to your breaking point, bend but don't break. Try your best not to let the situation get the best of you.A measure of hope will take you through the unpleasant ordeal. With hope for a better tomorrow or a better situation, things may not be as bad as they seem to be. The unpleasant ordeal may be easier to deal with if the end result is worth having.If the going gets tough and you are at your breaking point, show resilience. Like the bamboo tree, bend, but don't break!

2006-07-31T22:48:00.000+08:00

fri.the last day of orientation.
one of my fren was sittin at the canteen and claimed did not see me.
i was walkin just in front of the canteen.
nvm.

sat.
was fun.met my long-lost cuz.
n coincidently she's a fren of mai's fren.
so we did plan to go out together and eventually we all turn up on sat.
felt wierd.but tings went good at the esp.
n so the story goes.

so here it started.
1st day of getting serious.had 3D lesson.
a combination of 2 classes.

met up wit the other classmates.
n more frens comin up.
was fun stickin tat maskin tape all around.
not tat difficult though.

and today's my father's 44 birthday..
im not quite sure of his age.
hahaha.
pardon me fer that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2006-07-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

u were there.
standing right in front of me.
u gave me a welcomin smile.
i see tat with full of hopes.
our precious tears seems like diamonds.
a warmth hug from u to me.
the touch of our skins which i longed to have.
i held u tight with tears.
and we never did let go of ourselves.
i was so relieved n the feelings are just right.
n i finally hear ur words that once i lost.

i cried in silence when i woke up and everytin was just a dream.
ur face was clearly there.
i kept tinkin.
i noe.it never could have happen again.
ive made the wrong choices before.

2006-07-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

postcard design.
i named it- she saves the day.
simple.

the night is very cooling.
i could feel the vapour through my skin.
as i look out the window i could see the vapour underneath the lights.

im so lonely.
i miss the warmth.
touch.
deep down i knew only him could give me tat.

its too late.

2006-07-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

botanic garden.
toys. but wth?
nvm. haha. had my first date wit emily.
hahaha.
ok lame.

took some photos. bought a drink a chatted til 1.
just to kill time fer us to be released.
n finally.

had lunch at fareast.
alone.
not askin fer sympathy though.
erghhh...a group of lasalle student stomped in whom 1 of wich is my fren who claimed cnt go fer lunch wit me.wth?
k ferget it. not gona ask anymore.
took my last sip of coke and out i go.
grrrr....

bought stuff at taka.
'can u help me take tis.im not sure whr it is.'
the man'no.i got no time' wth?
i was lyk..grr..but b4 i cud say anytin, he said' but i got the tym to take the things fer u'
haha. caught u.

met hairul then off i went home.

i'm shagged and felt humiliated.

2006-07-25T10:44:00.000+08:00

i saw roslan on my way bck yest.
he's got a cute smile and he's tall.
hehe.n suddenly i think of this song.

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on and on
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I end my one last cry

2006-07-24T10:12:00.000+08:00

22 July 2006.
finally its the last day at my workplace.
its been full 8months since last November.
had lots of memories. and the most important is tat im gona miss the pay.
n now my tues will have no meaning fer me coz it used to b my pay day.
im gona b broke like before.
no more shoppin.
so we had a lil celebration lyk a farewell.
they brought spaghetti n some kuehs.
nice2.
lastly we took some photos together.

cik asna at werk

cik rahimah

my lovely mum

rani

preparing food. (pardon fer the blurness.haha)

doink!

eja

my werkplace

mr song.refused to look at camera. instead he wave without lookin at camera.haha

hide n seek mr song???

countdown

andrew.the manager

me n eja (yeay-ness! im taller than her.haha)

everyone.

yest went to RYAN ADAM's birthday party.
well he's turnin 1 year old.
haha.he's my cousin's son.the funny part is tat though she is already wit her 2nd child we stil called her by her childhood name which is KAK MOK.
ahakz!
everytin went alright.i bought a present which i tink ryan himself could not play wit it now coz he still cant even stand on his own.hah.
it is a mini basketball stand.
the place got more kecoh when all the toddlers started crying.
pheeew. but its ok.
all of them are cute. i wonder when im gona get my own junior.
haha.hell ya.
n so we eat n eat n eat while catchin up latest news wit our cousins.
had fun!!

birthday cake

yani(mom) n birthday boy

happy family

caught you!

the end.

2006-07-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

sux.
orientation was bad.
did not get to know any new frens.hurhur
we(me wan n his indian fren, duno wats the name) went fer the talk and decided to walk off.
wateva happens blame the night b4.
sux.
all the tings i've said made everyone turn me down.
fuck.

enuff.
alip was headin to skool so cnt cabot.
too many times.haha.
tban next.
fucker!
bishan wit his 2 other frens.hafiz and weiloon.
correct?
haha.
ergghhh.both fetchin gf.
fuck.
im so missin tat.
went to rp.ok cool.so damn big.

then head to cp.no shows.
tis fucker said lets go ps.
haha.
MORTUARY was quite ok.
first part. i slept.
grrr...darn bored!!
kk then skali AHHHHHH!!!!
everyone shouted then laugh.
haha.yeah. the zombie appeared! the black puke was nice.haha
at last!!
then came the 'interestin' part whrby tban could no longer hold it.
hahaha!!
n the show goes on wit lots of suspense.
great.
gona watch it again. tis time round should b alone.
nice.
ezlink left $3.50.was $11.50 in the morn.
tis is call wastin of usage fare since we didn have a good plannin.

2006-07-20T22:20:00.000+08:00

where is he who's gona take me so high?

a final answer.
yes. i got tat.everytings out.
i did not stand any chance. ive got to stop puttin hopes.
im letting him move on n have his life.
not being selfish to him no more.
but that does not mean im gona stop lovin him.
i'll stop when i am force to.

im refrainin myself to put rants about my love life.
im givin a break.

k so tomorrow is my orientation.
n fer the followin week.
new frens perhaps.
i do hope so.
i nid frens to brighten my fuckin damn life.
~yeah.

not forgettin *oh*my*so*fuckin*lame*TBAN.
haha.
tanx ya.i luvv tat pic in ur rant.
it is so so lovely n sweet.
coz its me! haah.
k lame.pardon me.
ya.but anywoots.tanx fer ur smelly fuckin shoulder fer me to lean on.
i mean listenin to my stupid damn problemo.
n i miss ur companies bck in those secondary school days.

n now havin headache.
erghhhh.
panadols extra anyone??!!

2006-07-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

ignored.
ppl might say im naive.
but not anymore.
ive been learnin to put everyone b4 me.
make everyone happy n ill b happy.

ive done that soul-searchin lyk wat someone asked me to.
ya i realised it tanx to tat some1.
n i'll help watever i cn fer my fren's sake.
even i knew i love tat someone so much but im willin to give in to others.

2006-07-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

yeay!went to have facial at HAACH MOMENT today.
ya.it was my first tym puttin tat fcukin coolin mask on my face.
the place is so romantic sejok nk mampos. overall.a good place to slyp.

was worried to go but after some 'consultation' frm asmida, i made the decision to go for the sake of tryin.n i got hooked.haha.
tat lady's hand was damned smooth.
the mask was there and she left me alone accompanied by those soothin songs.eventually it made me brings back my memories wit him.
shhiitt.
it lasted fer half an hour.
after a full 1 hour berangan jadi anak datin, it ended.haha
n i had a one big slice of pizza for my breakfast, lunch and dinner.

2006-07-11T23:29:00.000+08:00

im lonely.
n im jealous seeing tat.

2006-07-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

batam.
haha.i went all crazy shoppin fer clothins.
damn damn cheap.
and i am rich rich there.
haha.
good hell ride in the ferry.
but i was sound asleep.

2006-07-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku
selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun
aku mampu tuk mengenangmu
darimu, kutemukan hidupku
bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati
bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau kenangan
yang terindah dalam hidupku
namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang telah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah

nice nice song..

2006-07-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

i cried so hard during the nights.
believing myself im the cause of everyting.
mum makciks at werk: 'did u cry last night?'
well lyk mum said.
karma do comes around.

read the past entries.from the first to the last.
joy,laughter,memories,fyts.
everytin bein noted down.
the romance, the heartache.
i recalled every single moment.

its a lie fer me if i'd say i am not missin those time.
i am.
but things have to move on.
even he is right now.
so i guess all those tears shud b pour out on later days.
hiakks.haha

2006-07-03T22:18:00.001+08:00

im weak.
after those words.
maybe its just imposibble for the both of us.
tanx.
i'll build my way to a better one.

2006-07-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

i used to believe in forever.

things are not as simple as wat you may think.
everything is so weird.

2006-06-29T19:01:00.000+08:00

29th June 2006.
11.28am.

2006-06-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

love is when you shed a tear and u still love him.
it's when he loves another girl but u still smile and say im happy fer you when all you really do is cry.

2006-06-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

gosh! he melts my heart away wit his voice.
boy u reminded me of someone.

2006-06-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

neen!
finally...haha.
u were so damn fcukin late!
arghhh.piat telinge aru tau.
hurhur.
she was so fantasize over this boy.
pray hard babe.
let us drop by there often k?
haha.

otw.
gosh! isnt tat U-T-T.
utt??
haha.he did turn ard.
hurhur.

camwhorin-slalu tk menjadi.
batt asyik flat jek.
but got to snap some though.
i'll post it once it's been edited.

A NICE SWENSEN'S DAY!

2006-06-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

daddy's away to kl!
yippee.

my queen-sized bed will be all mine.
haha.
reason-sis will b slypin wit mum.

im bored.

2006-06-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

boy wat are u doin down there??

haha

2006-06-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

he's in bangkok ryt now.
fer lyk 10 days.hmm.
hate him

2006-06-07T21:11:00.000+08:00

060606.
a date wich comes once in a milennium.
cool.
everytings ok.

2006-06-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

even if this will continue fer as long as time come n goes.
i'll be patiently waiting fer the next episode.

2006-06-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

tried talkin!
but to no avail..
all i got was a " taktau " and a "malas ah" ans..
so don blame urself if u had done wat u cld to satisfy ur gal orite guys!..
..

2006-06-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

guys.
try having a 'date' which lasted fer 30min BUT with no conversation.

dont u feel awkward?

2006-05-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

fuck.
u made me said tat.

''why?...sick n tired of me?..so dat u can go out and enjoy getting to noe more guys and pretend that ure single and not proud of being my gf''

2006-05-31T19:46:00.000+08:00

being apart?
tink twice.
but being drifted.
everyting is becoming our own secrets.
no longer colourful.

2006-05-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

unfaithful.

MR SONG said im gettin fatter.
mouth moving, body no moving.
hahax.

get tat sentence ryt pls MR SONG.

2006-05-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

haiyoh..
wen can meet her???
its been 3weeks man!
stupid workshop test..
i anihow did 18qns out of 20..
wahahha..
dumb dumb me..
shit lah..
she blardy hell got the damn walkman fone i wanted..
and im stucked wit dis stupid t630..
wahahah..
klah nvm ah...
atleast i can still play2 wif it wen we meet...
and wen will dat be?

2006-05-13T23:21:00.001+08:00

13 may 2006.

5 mths exactly.
grandma left me.
wit no last werds to b exact.

i cud just recall our last conversation.
the last day we talked, sayin out my name.
the very last day i heard her voice.
til 13th december 2005.
the day she went to sleep.
forever.

'cha, nek nk alek.nk mkn mee sup.bleh tk?'
'nek rehat dulu k.nnt cha belikn.'

my very last.last conversation wit her.
tears.i wiped them b4 she cud see.
i held her hand kiss them.hold on to them tightly.
the very next day..she had to go fer operation.
one after another.
thats when she go unconscious fer a mth.

normal routine visitin her was nvr a chore fer me.
b4 i knew it.it was the last day i held her hand, c her eyes..
she left us.forever.

'martin..whre's nenek?'
'she's up in the sky with god'
once when i had a conversation wit my lil cuzin at nenek's 'house'.(kubo)

__________________________________

a week.
a week of not-so-on-good-term.
yeah.
perhaps feelings are playin wit me.
i realise it.
tanx fer makin me realise the naive in me.
i never did intend to ask or say tat to u..
but sometimes im just confused.
well.or mayb its the 'period'?
never to loose u.
and i'll stop sayin... 'what if' to u ever again.

you love me but you dont really know what's inside me

the journey is still far ahead.

:cha

ps. in case u people got confused frm who tha rant is, we'll end it wit our name at the end of the entry.

2006-05-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

10 th may 2006,wednesday

argh..
stress siot nie CRS hmwk...mcm pokiwa
dunno wat to write, dunno wat to do..
even better,dun even understand the article i chose..aggagagag
didnt realise im quite popular at sp..haha..
alot of ppl noe my name..strange..
and the best part is,dey also noe hu's my gf..hahaha.
kewwwl!
aniwoots,everything remains unchange between us..
still no sign of happiness..
she's still behaving strangely..
thinkin bout her saddens me,haiz..

2006-05-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

hmm..
lets talk about something special,unique or funny??
haha.
there's one word tat always bring a smile to someone's face.
tat is .sex.
haha.nah...
(heard tat on radio)

well.sharing another love story?
hmm.BOring!
yeah i noe.a story of my daily routine.
haha! that wil just make another lame rant.
guess i'll just post one.

8.30.am
cha!! bangun!!.
tats when i cud hear a hyena shouting out my name.
hurhur.

9.00am
reach VISION PLUS.
my werkplace.
werk starts at 9 but i wud delay it til 9.40am!
haha.i tink i got some shares in the company.
well JIMMY.here u got a nice lady werkin fer u diligently.
haha.*smile*

9.30am-10pm.
hectic duration of long hours checkin fer black dots or flies on those stupid plastics.

10.30pm
computer.

here i am.yeah.
5x8. cik asnah call me the queen of 5x8.
haha.yeah.after 8 mths of werkin at tat small feckin fact im used to checkin tat.
*well fer those whom might be thinkin wat 5x8 is as u've never had a chance to werk at VISION PLUS, it's a size of a plastic beg wich is use to put small computer parts.
5x8 does give me headache.shoulder cramps.sleepy.and werst.makin my butt to be flatter.
damn.sitting fer long hours does have that side effects.
haha.
my dear MR ANDREW wantin 6 pallets of it by tis sat.
feckin him.rushin tings here n there.im all shack by now.
but..well.my dearly aunt is always there to do the magic fer me.
haha.we will go..ala...'uat mcm biase'.haha
we'l just change the plastic without checkin it.
GENIUS.

enuff of that.
though i've got a tight timetable of my daily routine,
i grabbed the chance to enjoy myself on last sun.
when a stranger calls i go....HELLO.who's there?stop scarying me.if u are trying to do that pls stop it.u win.im all scared ryt now.
haha.did i get the script ryt?
went to the Grand Cathay to catch when a stranger calls with them.
well neen.u've got to understand tis.really.do u get wat im trying to say??
(tinkin)***get it??
haha.
yeah.well pictures sometimes cn b deceiving.
haha.

i get it .haha.
do u tink a simple gud-bye will end the play??

why?

2006-05-09T00:22:00.000+08:00

the werst moment of my life..
this past few days hav been reali stress and cruel for me..
first losing a fren to a freak motor accident..
got me all shell shocked n disbelief..
if thats not enuf,
my relationship wit her is in peril..
losing her will give me a huge blow..
why so cruel..why must he be taken away juz like dat..
and she, wanna say gdbye to evrything we've earn and own..
where hav i gone wrong to deserve such a fcuked up life..
God,plz hav mercy on me..
turn things ard for me plz..
all i want is happiness wif my frens and loved ones..
why cant my life be like evryone else?..
is being emotional now gonna change the whole situation..nah
im so confuse..plz

2006-05-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

clouds turn dark
sun hide behind the night,
giving way for the beauty of moon to shine
for i am mesmerizing sparkles of the full moon
as i fall into deep sleep.

strange

2006-05-03T22:57:00.000+08:00

why?
why so strange lately?
she's so quiet nowadays..wats wrong?
the more she keeps quiet, the more paranoid i ll become..
haizzz..
my freaking skool getting even more stresser(got such word ah?)
so boring..hp so quiet..
evryone's scolding me for no reason..
fcuk lah..stupid life..

if loving u too much is a sin, punish me..

2006-04-23T21:38:00.000+08:00

a fine sunday.
well not-so perhaps.

a fight between mum n dad early in the morn.
fcuk.
hate it.
really am.
how cud tis man call himself as the head of the fam.
a father to three children.
a responsible man??
when he hit my mom n cause her mouth to bleed and made her diff to eat.

wat i cn say is.he's a jerk.who keeps oweing me n my mum's money.
whr's all ur money FATHER??

anw i don give a damn abt those fyts.
tis actually was the reason y mum asked me to follow her to do some shopping.

haha!!
yeay.
bugis then marina.
bought lots of stuff.
frm LITTLEMATCHGIRL to ZARA to MANGO to TOPSHOP.
butttt..
didn bought clothin frm all of it.
gilerr... aku tk sekaye anak datuk.
haha!!
mum do all the shoppin since she said she got the mood due to the fyt.
haha.
we got 30% since i join the member at littlematchgirl.
cool.
mum bought this shirt.
nice.i convince her to buy the black one.
so i cud share it wit her.
clever huh.
hurhur.

tired.tired.tired.

but i enjoy my day.
it was a long long tym since we last shop together.

2006-04-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

k dear..now i continue ur post..

soo..after ice skating..we left her frens ard 330pm and headed for city hall..
peninsula, she bought me my bdae prezzie!...the vintage faded chuck taylor converse shoes ive been wanting all dis while..and den..we quickly rushed to marina square pizzahut coz we both were damn hungry...ordered some food...and took some pics while waiting..den suddenly, she took out someting..argh!..another present!..hahaa..was kinda shocked!...wanted to open it immediately but she pleaded me not to open until i reached home...haha..a small heart shape box..cute..ahaha..eat and eat and eat..we both couldnt finish our food...she tapau 1 slice of piza ..ahha...next stop, esplanade...sat dere for awhile...kissing and hugging and talk crap( onli me)....den i decided to wear the new shoes...took more pics and the tyme was 630pm, and she needed to reach home early..sooo we left bout 645pm...
met as n neen at orchard to return as digicam...den we headed home...reached marsiling..hug n kiss again...and she left..the minute i let her go..i alredi miss her...damn!...
stopped at yishun..took 85...sleepping inside the bus den suddenly the bus took a speedy sharp turn..i almost flew off my seat..ahaha..reached home...opened the tiny box...awwww!..so sweeet!!!!!!!...there's a letter inside..so nice the smell..(bau chacha)...she wrote me some very touching stuffs( personal ah)...even wen i was fighting wit my bro at that tyme,i cld still afford a smile..hahaha..
thx darlin..thx for evrything..i reali appreciate evrting dat uve done for me...i promise u..i ll give u the best bdae ever wen its ur turn...also, thx to her frens for making the surprise celebration..it was awesome..todae was 1 of my best ever birthdaes..
to my love, i thank u again for the present..for still believing in our relationship..for loving me as much as i love u..i ll never forget dis day..coz its one of the highlights of my life...
i love u shuhada..muAH~!!!!

2006-04-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

18 years ago. dated 21st April 1988. Nizamuddin's first cry. the day he came out frm his mum's womb. mark a boy to live in this beautiful world. Niz turns 18 today. a special day fer him wich is specially plan by me. hehe.

yeap.the 5 of us really had a good tym.
(.neen.as.shiqa.me.niz.)
spending a double birthday celebration at one tym.
a double surprise fer both of them.

took cab wit neen.
find a suitable place wich is at jurong east entertainment Mcd.
yeap. left neen alone. fetch them (asmida & niz).
they were puzzled to c each other.
how cud they not c each other til i came to fetch them?.. haha.
askin me lots of quest.
niz bagan to fyl awkward. "where r u bringing me?r we goin to b wit them??" haha.
here came the surprise.
a CHOCOLATE MINT cake was on the table wit candles on it.
tat was fer the both of them.
a heart shape pastry was specially bought fer niz.

next ICE SKATIN.
great fun.
and yeay! none of us actually fell down.
good job guys!
eventually everyone pass to skate gracefully.
it is really an achievement fer us since it was our FIRST try.
niz started to leave me after he knew how to skate.
hurhur.
goin there again soon.
dear.can u plz continue tis entry fer me?? hehe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY fer the both of u. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

(bidae boy)

(present fer as)

(fer him)

2006-04-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

here's the pix of holland.

(chocolates ; yummy!!)

(specially bought fer me by my larlin bro! awww...)

(singapore's under 15 national team)

(hotel)

2006-04-20T19:57:00.001+08:00

6.05am.(s'pore's tym).
my larlin bro's arrival frm Holland.
a vacation cum tournament fer a week there.
well.he did have a thought fer the fam.
each have got our own souvenier.
mum got a perfume. thats not fair.
but its ok.
i got my fave choc!! maltese.
a big one.
yeah. no doubt i cn finish the whole lot of it.
yummy.

haha.but i still cud remember a week ago.
wednesday nyt.12 april 2006.
whole fam sent him to the airport.
took pics of fam.
(loading soon)
yeap.and the moment of touch.
hehe.
gate was open.he had to go.
bersalam-salaman.
i was really touch when he came to me and kis my hand.
awww....
he got a kiss at the cheek frm father.
haha.whole face turn red.
hurhur.

and ya.i did expect sometin in return.asked him to get me a shawl.
but was too expensive.
nah.its ok.the choc is enuf fer me.
enuf fer me to get fatter.
haha.

btw.today's ASMIDA's 17th bidae!!
stay happy2 slalu.all the best fer you.
and.....
APE JEK..haha.

p.s.pix wil b upload soon.

pokiwa

2006-04-19T22:20:00.002+08:00

19 April 2006, Wednesday

pokiwa...haha..
my new favourite word..
anw..todae..nuthin much lah..
classes all finished early..got to go lunch as early as 1045am..power to the gedegah man!
wen to foodcourt 3...ate fried chicken...pokiwa!!!..sedap giler!...we all joined table mcm kat kedai kopi sak..aahha...ate together gether..laugh2...fun lah they all..
tot of playing soccer after skool ltr,den skali heavy downpour,evryone sooo sad...aziz n i kept sighing...haiz haiz haiz....dah penat2 bwk baju...weather mcm siak...
so we mkn n mkn n mkn...check it out check it out evry single one dat past by us..ahah..criticised dem like mad..anyhow say hi to them...haha...den the freaking hiphop guy(danial's fren) anyhow juz join us mkn2..saper ntah invite dier..ahahah!
then, syah's fren came n joined us...pokiwa!!...step jambu sak tu pompan..ahahah...she like syah, syah juz layankan..ahaha...
den the rain stopped!!
all of us started dancing..ahaha..mepek
back to lecture..
the lecturer was damn funny..
he ends evry sentence wif " you noe orrrh(the chinese slang)"
evryone kept mimicing him..ahaha..

after skool we headed for the street soccer court straight away..
fuh! peh belambak!!
so many ppl playing..and most of them are fucking gd..agagaga
i was keeper, let in 2 soft goals..pokiwa!!!
next game i played like mad fella..
got dis year3 guy..playing2 skali he crashed to the ground..shouting..argGGHhhHhhh!!!!!!
den he began scratching his upperbody..n punching the wall...wtf is wrong???
we wanted to kol the ambulance...coz he was crying out that his knee badly injured..kesian..
den got this mat dressed up like dunno wat style..hair step indie..shirt mcm abeng..sluar mcm jay chou...shoe punkrock...aper siak???..me n syah called him mat cum indie..hahaha...muke selengeh...wen he playing, we laughing at him like mad...hahaha...we planned, if we playing against his team..target him onli...ahaha..and next team we played was his...hahaha..kena terok siak..haha..
after dat all pancit alredi..den go home...msged princess...fell aslp again inside train..ahaha
and fuck! i tore my slip on shoe...pokiwa!!!!