Saturday, February 25, 2006 . 9:58 PM

envious.
how i envy the birds.
freedom.
wit the help of the flapping of wings, the birds are free to fly anywhr.
without even knowing the destination or even the exact place to go.
if i were to have 1 wish. juz 1.i'll pray that i'll turn into a bird.
a bird which does not have it's own cage.
a solitary life.
living on my own with no one to control me.
; attitude ; love ; attire ; lifestyle.

i cnt help myself frm feeling tis way.
guess it came naturally to me.
there's just so many principle in life.

the biggest mistake in my life fer now. - done badly fer O.
my parents attitude towards me. -i cnt take it anymore.
father. - keep borrowin money frm me.
werk. - i juz dont have the tym to enjoy n rest my body.
boyfren. - i don have enough tym to spend wit him.

i dont get it y my parents are acting tis way wit me.
i knew once i made a mistake.cnt they forgive me n let their trust to be wit me once again.
they too had make countless mistakes towards me. especially the 'beast' , my father. as u cn c.. i nvr love my father. the hatred fer him was planted in my herat long ago n i still cnt forgive him fer all the tings that he'd done to me n my mom.am i still their little kids tat they have to contol every move that i make?? even my younger sis has now got their permission to go out wit her frens.i got mine when i was in sec 2.lyk hello!! its not fair! lyf is never fair. the minute i told them i wanna go out.their mouth cn nvr stop mumbling. its not lyk i went out everyday. i spent my days at werk, when i shud b enjoying myself b4 the skool starts. when cn ever have my own lyf. im 17. a simple teenage grl.tis is the tym whr i have to experience lyf. y cnt i have the lyf that once both of u had??mayb in ur mind im still a stupid little grl who doesnt noe wats ryt n wats wrong??i'll pray tat both of u will wake up.understand my needs n feelings.fer once. dad.mom. plz. i beg.

boy. did u realise tat i've change??
im not tat cha who once love u dearly??
ur calls n msges.
it isnt the same anymore.
my reply to u would be short n simple.
my calls nvr ends wit a bye or 'love you'.
i didn say those love werds to u everyday lyk i used to.
i ignored some of ur msges n pretend that i didn get it.
once i even iniated a breakup and make u cry.
but i said it was all a joke.
but.its not true.
im undecisive.
im not sure wat im doing n wat im goin thru to have all tis weird feelings.
though my werds to you are hurtin ur feelings, u nvr fails to warmth me with ur love.
im not sure if my love are as strong as ur love fer me.
im not sure if i cn be ur soulmate.
im not sure if i cn grow old with you.
im not sure if i cn be there whenever u need me.
im not sure.
im sorry.
now u understan?? y am i always sayin tis "im sorry" to you.??
coz i noe ive hurt u so much.

im sorry my dear..so so sorry.
forgive me.