Sunday, February 26, 2006 . 8:37 PM

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

~hearin this song i could relate it wit wat im goin thru wit my father. I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

Saturday, February 25, 2006 . 9:58 PM

envious.
how i envy the birds.
freedom.
wit the help of the flapping of wings, the birds are free to fly anywhr.
without even knowing the destination or even the exact place to go.
if i were to have 1 wish. juz 1.i'll pray that i'll turn into a bird.
a bird which does not have it's own cage.
a solitary life.
living on my own with no one to control me.
; attitude ; love ; attire ; lifestyle.

i cnt help myself frm feeling tis way.
guess it came naturally to me.
there's just so many principle in life.

the biggest mistake in my life fer now. - done badly fer O.
my parents attitude towards me. -i cnt take it anymore.
father. - keep borrowin money frm me.
werk. - i juz dont have the tym to enjoy n rest my body.
boyfren. - i don have enough tym to spend wit him.

i dont get it y my parents are acting tis way wit me.
i knew once i made a mistake.cnt they forgive me n let their trust to be wit me once again.
they too had make countless mistakes towards me. especially the 'beast' , my father. as u cn c.. i nvr love my father. the hatred fer him was planted in my herat long ago n i still cnt forgive him fer all the tings that he'd done to me n my mom.am i still their little kids tat they have to contol every move that i make?? even my younger sis has now got their permission to go out wit her frens.i got mine when i was in sec 2.lyk hello!! its not fair! lyf is never fair. the minute i told them i wanna go out.their mouth cn nvr stop mumbling. its not lyk i went out everyday. i spent my days at werk, when i shud b enjoying myself b4 the skool starts. when cn ever have my own lyf. im 17. a simple teenage grl.tis is the tym whr i have to experience lyf. y cnt i have the lyf that once both of u had??mayb in ur mind im still a stupid little grl who doesnt noe wats ryt n wats wrong??i'll pray tat both of u will wake up.understand my needs n feelings.fer once. dad.mom. plz. i beg.

boy. did u realise tat i've change??
im not tat cha who once love u dearly??
ur calls n msges.
it isnt the same anymore.
my reply to u would be short n simple.
my calls nvr ends wit a bye or 'love you'.
i didn say those love werds to u everyday lyk i used to.
i ignored some of ur msges n pretend that i didn get it.
once i even iniated a breakup and make u cry.
but i said it was all a joke.
but.its not true.
im undecisive.
im not sure wat im doing n wat im goin thru to have all tis weird feelings.
though my werds to you are hurtin ur feelings, u nvr fails to warmth me with ur love.
im not sure if my love are as strong as ur love fer me.
im not sure if i cn be ur soulmate.
im not sure if i cn grow old with you.
im not sure if i cn be there whenever u need me.
im not sure.
im sorry.
now u understan?? y am i always sayin tis "im sorry" to you.??
coz i noe ive hurt u so much.

im sorry my dear..so so sorry.
forgive me. yest werk day was fun!!

called mcd to order fer our lunch meals.
expectin a guy to deliver but the one who came was a makcik.
a chi makcik wearin tudong.
converted to islam perhaps.

while waitin fer the food to arrive,
me as neen played wit the trolley.
haha! the feelin was great.
suddenly i feel as if i've gone back to my childhood days.
yeap.we captured the videos.
even my aunt join in wit us.
sad that i cnt put the video in this blog coz i duno how to...hehe.

Saturday, February 18, 2006 . 11:05 PM

the past valentine n my anni wit by..
was great..had our first 'so-called' celebration together.
took half day werk juz to be wit him.

i've applied fer both nafa n laselle...
gonna go whichever tat takes me in..
haha...hopefully its not REJECTED.
yeap..

juz came bck frm town wit by n his frens.
ziq brought his gerl along.
i fyl so weird.
didn say a single werd to her.
tried to smile at her but ...hmm...
i duno wats she tinkin.

was sittin at lucky plaza. saw mai. haha. ya tat blur guy.
huahua.
by binget jek muke..haha!!
relek la bro. i da lame tk nmpk die...
haha

waited n waited fer awep.
he reached around 8+.
but ended up juz sayin hello..
haha.
wth??

was supposed to mit mummy at j.e.
called her after i reached there.
told me to go home first.
got some shoppin to do.
gosh i wasted my tym and even my mrt fare!!
adult u noe!!
cpt la dpt ezlink aru...
bleh save siket on travellin..

by bile nk update ni blog?!!
kt uma uatpe?
tdo jek tau..

love you.

Sunday, February 12, 2006 . 12:38 PM

he make it n i didnt.

tats great
feel happy fer him.
plain stupid.naive.tats juz me.
cant b compared.

trying my best to go fer lasalle or nafa.
hopefully luck is on me to enter sp.

Thursday, February 09, 2006 . 7:21 PM

results out tomorrow!!!

finally.

yup.i cnt wait fer that slip of paper to be on my hand.

yesh.im not sure.
-cry coz of sadness
-cry coz of excitement.